I am spending my child support on dildos
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
