I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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