1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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