in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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