i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
