Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
