im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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