I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
