yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
