How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
my shit smells like andre
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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