Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
All I want is dick and wine.
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