Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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