walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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