Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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