How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
