My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
