I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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