So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
