Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
