Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Two words: nipple clamps
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