Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
