walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
