My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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