The maid of honor just puked.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
How external is "for external use only"?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
