Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
