If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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