I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
