i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Randomize
