Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
