Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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