So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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