I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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