I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
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