Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize