saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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