no, he came in my armpit
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
