I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize