I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
