I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
