why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
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5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize