You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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