How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
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