Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
