it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
