she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
