office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
