No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
