I accidentally had phone sex last night
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
You did what with his pubic hair?
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