I only kidnapped one of them. chill
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
