They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He better not be in your backpack
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
