i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
