Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
