So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
