Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
