walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
They are going to name an STD after you.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
