I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
