I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
