you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
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Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
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I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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