you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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