I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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