I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
