i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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